Self-Care When You've Had None For a While
Mind,  Personal,  Self Care

Self-Care When You’ve Had None For a While

It’s a challenge to restart self-care when you’ve had none for a while. It’s true.

I was in a long-term relationship for 2.5 years. It’s an odd thing that when someone else starts loving us, we can start loving ourselves a little less for some reason. At least, that was the case for me.

I Let Myself Go

I found myself not working out as much, splurging all too frequently on treats with my boo, and simply putting his needs over my own. My self-care went way down. As someone who hardly ever dared to venture into relationships, I was not aware of the balance that needed to be kept between loving him and loving myself.

At one point, I exercised daily, took care of my skin, and, ultimately, put my needs and best interests first. That was, until I met him.

Thus began the late nights, social drinking, and situations that left me feeling less than spectacular the day after. My running started slacking (partially due to injury), and the rest followed. I hated it. And I knew it with every cell in my body. I did not like the person I was in this relationship.

Emotional Abuse

I have now come to realize that this relationship was emotionally abusive. Everything was “my fault”, nothing was ever “good enough”, and I was the one who “needed to do the changing”.

But like they say, I couldn’t see it when I was so close. When I finally took a step back, I saw it for what it was. Toxic. This was something I knew I didn’t want for the rest of my life, and the point of a relationship for me is to find my forever.

Even when you know how bad the relationship is for you, it is hard to walk away from something so comfortable and “normal”, especially after such a long period of time. That attachment is hard to break. But this week, I did it.

It has been challenging to say the least. But each day becomes a little easier, and I know in the long run it is for the best. Even if the breakup hurts more now than the bad relationship did day-to-day, it will pass. Soon, I will feel better than ever.

The Self-Care Comeback

I have taken this time to work on myself. I know that’s so cliche to say post-breakup, but it’s true. But I know that if I want to be ready when the right man comes along, I need to put in the work on myself so that I know how I deserve to be treated and can emotionally support a healthy relationship.

Here’s what I’m doing to start taking care of myself again:
  1. Medical Marijuana/Cannabis (yes I am a HUGE advocate): Mellows me out when I start to overthink or question myself.
  2. Face masks, face masks, face masks: Because rejuvenating my skin is KEY to truly getting rid of those nasty toxins (and you’ll feel shiny and fantastic). Check out some of my personal favorites here!
  3. Running: Taking it slowly as to avoid another injury, but it feels like myself to get back on the blacktop!
  4. Yoga: I am a beginner still, but you gotta start somewhere! Here are my FAVORITE reasons for doing yoga!
  5. Meditation: I am a fan of short sessions, especially those for sleep that help me digest and process my looooong train of thoughts. New to meditation like me? Check out a meditation guide for beginners here!
  6. Food: Of course this is an obvious one. I am back to attempting to eat healthier, but I also like finding some healthy treats to indulge in when I’m feeling a little purple (I like the color blue, so I prefer this alternate phrase).
  7. Tea: I LOVE it in the mornings, afternoons and evenings. (All day long, let’s be honest). Here is one of my favorite recipes!
  8. Doing the Little Things I Love: Paddle boarding, laying in the sun, binging Netflix, reading, writing; doing all the things that make me 🙂
  9. Realizing I Am In Fact, A Bad Bitch: This was for the best. I learned from it — what I want and what I don’t want. There is someone great (and hand-picked by God to be my soulmate). Why would I want to settle for anything less?

Focus On You

Keep doing you. Keep getting better. Make time for self-care. Focus on your career, your goals, your health, your skin, and just being the all-around best human being you can be.

You are NOT defined by another person. You are a whole.

When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s natural to begin to identify as a half of a whole. But you are NOT that. You are whole without anyone else.

As hard as it is, if you find yourself in one of these relationships where you are losing yourself, you must take back that power. You can regain the person you were before that relationship (and even come out better on the other side). You can start practicing self-care again.

I distinctly remember loving myself at one time. And I cannot wait to get back to that. I can’t wait for you to do that either.

So much love,

Sheyenne

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