10 Things I’ve Learned From “The Bachelor”

It’s no secret that my Monday nights are strictly reserved for The Bachelor franchise. The dry season between the end of Paradise in the summer and the beginning of Bachelor in January leaves me with eyes that aren’t dry. Some people see The Bachelor and Bachelorette as some silly reality show that’s scripted and made for tv. I happen to see it as a beautiful and crazy way to fall in love. I love rooting for the star — literally cheering and crying and sometimes even yelling along with the show.

Life Lessons From The Bachelor

I’ve learned some lessons over the seasons that I want to share with you. If you’re a fellow Bachelor nut, I know you’ll enjoy this as much as me. If you’re not, that’s okay, too. There’s nuggets of wisdom for everyone here. 😉

1. The Drama Queen goes home.

Every single season, there is in-fighting and drama between the contestants. You can always spot them early on. Usually there’s a pair that goes at each other and one that stirs the pot with the rest of the group and becomes a hated lone wolf. At least.

But guess what? Those people always go home. Sometimes one will linger til the last 4 or 5. But they never make it to the end. They’re never the one proposing or getting a ring. The Drama Queen goes home.

2. Stay in your own lane.

The Drama Queen falls into this category sometimes. But there’s always people throughout the season who get distracted. By drama, by friendships, by wanting to “win”. People get jealous, angry, resentful. The entire spectrum of emotions flows through everyone participating. But the people who find love? They focus on what they want and don’t let anything else distract them.

3. Anything can happen.

Usually the Bachelor or Bachelorette was on a previous season of the show as part of the group. They make it towards the end — top 2-5, generally — but ultimately don’t find love with the star. Sometimes they’re actually in love with, or at least extremely emotionally attached to, the person sending them home and feel lost. They leave the show broken hearted and then come back to try to find love again.

Many times they reach the end of the journey falling in love with 2-3 people when not long before, they couldn’t imagine being without the person that was dumping them. Instead of wallowing and never getting over their disappointment, they step up and decide to take fate into their own hands. They keep looking for their person and realize that there are actually more good things in store than they might be ready for.

4. Don’t count on the Pity Rose.

Occasionally in a last ditch effort to stay on the show another week and keep vying for the affections of the star, someone will tell the star a sad or dramatic story about themselves to be “vulnerable” right before the Rose Ceremony — when people get cut. The star almost always sees through the desperation, if not immediately, then shortly. Being fake or manipulative to stick around and get a Pity Rose for the sake of staying catches up with them. Don’t count on it. Being genuine and real will get you much farther.

5. Feelings are complicated.

Love it hard. Jealousy is hard. Vulnerability is hard. And feeling all of these things around multiple people is harder. Feelings can get muddled if you get down in the weeds with them. But feelings are also temporary. If you let them sidetrack you, you can get lost quickly.

6. You can’t please everyone.

Someone always gets hurt. It doesn’t feel good to be rejected. But as the star, they have to let someone — or 20 someones — down in order to get to the end with their future spouse. No matter who stays or goes, there are usually unhappy people on both sides. You’re never going to please everyone, so listen to your heart and your gut as your guide.

7. Dress your best.

You never know when you’re going to get out of a limo and set eyes on your future spouse for the first time. While some make first impressions by dressing as a chicken or dolphin, ultimately everyone ends up in their best dress. Sparkling gowns and dapper suits mean everybody’s dressed to impress — and we all know what getting that First Impression Rose means. 😉

8. You never have the full story.

The star never knows the full picture of the drama in the house. And the people in the house never understand the full scope of the relationships that the star has with other people. Sometimes it means trusting and sometimes it means walking away, but you can never assume that you know all the details about another person, situation, or idea.

9. Be vulnerable.

The only way to truly get what you want is to open up and be vulnerable. Every single successful relationship that has come out of The Bachelor franchise was a result of people putting themselves out there at the risk of getting hurt. Opening up can be scary, but it’s ultimately the only way. If you are authentically you and what you think you want doesn’t happen, it might break your heart. But then they might make you the next Bachelorette.

10. Hard decisions suck but are necessary to get what you want.

Breaking up with someone is never fun, even when you have a line of a dozen other viable relationships sitting in the very same room. Some decisions will always be hard no matter how you approach it, psych yourself up, or want to make it easier. And hard decisions suck. There’s no getting around that part.

Every season the hardest part for me to watch is when there are two people both madly in love with the star and somehow the star also loves these two people back at the same time. They never imagine that this situation could be possible until they find themselves sitting there in anguish over breaking the heart of someone they care very deeply for only to turn around and get engaged to their future spouse. It sounds twisted even as I write this, as if “how could someone ever end up loving two people at the same time to the point of their engagement day?”

But that decision has to be made. What the star really and truly wants is to find their life-long partner. Their spouse. The love of their life.

And the only way to make that happen is to make a hard — even seemingly impossible — decision. Turning your dreams into a reality isn’t easy, and it usually involves making hard decisions. But it’s always worth it when the diamond ring goes on.