My Depression Story
I was prescribed a hefty dosage of Prozac at age 19, months before being diagnosed with any form of mental illness. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depression, Adjustment Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder is what you will see on the top line in bold letters if you open my medical file. But it is not what defines me.
I have been on at least 7 medications and have been through the motions of adjustment which included nausea, memory loss, and a zombie-like existence. I have sat through numerous consultations in which my unstable family history and ill coping skills were discussed.
My wake up call was Spring of 2017, when I ended up in a mental hospital after a suicide attempt. An extremely stressful situation combined with the beginning adjustment stages of Lexapro sent me into a spiral that still rings fresh in my mind. After a short consultation, I walked out with my mom in tow. That night she asked everyone in my house if they felt safe with me there.
Quitting The Meds
I quit my medication cold turkey, which I do not recommend. After my consultation, I was recommended to a Psychiatric clinic on an emergency basis. This meant they sent me to the first available psychiatrist, a male who eyed me up and down and changed my medication with each visit. During the course of a few months, I was prescribed at least 4 different medications, all which increased my impending thoughts of doom and suicide. I requested a change of doctor, which my then male psychiatrist addressed in the next meeting. And then I missed one appointment. I was excused from the program, and told I would have to appear before a panel and appeal my dismissal.
It’s been almost a year since I stopped all of my medications, including my trusty sidekick Trazadone which helped me sleep. While I did not necessarily do things the proper way, I did it. I feel EVERYTHING. The good, the bad, and sometimes the very bad. How am I coping? Lots of exercise, constant contact with dogs, and lots of reading. Sometimes I want to scream. Sometimes I want to revert to that person I was years ago. But I fight. Without medication.
Anti-Depressants & Depression
If you’re dealing with depression (whether or not you’re taking anti-depressants) and want to know more about what causes depression, what’s happening in your brain and body when you’re depressed, and some strategies you can use to heal… pop on over to this post all about depression
If you’re currently taking anti-depressants and just aren’t handling it well, know that there is hope and help for you. There are things you can do, and understanding what’s happening in your mind and body is the first step.
If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide, please dial 1-800-273-8255
Much love, S